DEAR ABBY: In five months, “Anabelle,” my granddaughter, will give birth. With one exception, we’d like to wish her and her husband nothing but the best. She and her dad got into a fight over, among other things, organizing her wedding.
Because everyone was still upset, her grandfather, my husband, escorted her down the aisle. Although she and her sister recently patched things up, her parents and sister were not present. Anabelle is insistent that she doesn’t want to visit my son and his wife, despite the fact that I believe they would like to make amends as well. There is a history of hurt feelings on both sides, as with most families.
Our issue is that Anabelle has begged us not to inform her parents of her pregnancy. Although I believe that this is wrong, I will abide by her preferences. I’m aware that they will be understandably offended and irate whether I tell them now or if they learn about it in some other manner, and they could even want to “kill the messenger.” In the midst of this terrible circumstance, I feel trapped. My anxiety about it is making me feel sick. Should I keep silent about this news or share it? — KNOTS TIE OUT WEST
DEAR TIED: Although the rift in your family is regrettable, you are not allowed to share the news of your pregnancy. Your granddaughter shouldn’t have shared it with you and put you in the middle if she intended to keep it a secret. If you’re smart, you’ll avoid it.
DEAR ABBY: (Promise Withdrawn in Texas, August 27) You published a letter from someone whose ailing, elderly buddy suddenly changed his will. The elder’s whole inheritance will now go to his live-in caregivers as a result of the shift. The 90-year-old man’s surprise at breaking a frequently repeated commitment to include the person in his will was voiced by the author.
You advised the writer to speak with the elder and enquire as to why he revised his will. That is reasonable advice, but you should have also suggested that the writer be referred to the local Adult Protective Services office in your response. In the US, elder exploitation is widespread.
Elders are frequently taken advantage of by family members, friends, and other trusted contacts in order to get money. Elders may become vulnerable to abuse, neglect, and exploitation for a variety of reasons, including social isolation, dependency on others, deteriorating health, and cognitive decline.
Typically, Adult Protective Services employs skilled investigators to spot exploitation and report offenses to the police. When a 90-year-old makes a quick alteration to a will to omit a lifelong acquaintance, one may legitimately suspect exploitation. Calling the U.S. Administration on Aging, their state’s Adult Protective Services office, or local police enforcement are all options for reporters. There isn’t any time to squander, as you warned. — EXPERIENCED JUSTICE PROSECUTOR
PROSECUTOR, DEAR: I appreciate you sharing your knowledge and skills on elder abuse. I value it and am confident that my readers do too. People ought to think about the likelihood of exploitation in comparable situations, which, regrettably, can happen more frequently than we’d like to believe.
In two books titled “Abby’s Favorite Recipes” and “More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby,” Abby offers more than 100 of her favorite recipes. To order the Cookbooklet Set from Dear Abby, send your name, postal address, and a check or money order for $16 (in US dollars) to P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447.